Elise and Zach came for the weekend. They got here Friday night and we had puppy chow, a must for a sister reunion, and watched a movie. Elise and I stayed up til 2:30AM talking and it was good. A sweet time of reconnecting. I love how much more real our conversations become as we get older. Saturday we fixed breakfast at the house before we went downtown. Silver in the City, Global Gifts, and Flying Cupcake…like the best three places in all of Indy and we did them all. Then we went to Rock Bottom to watch the OSU vs. Wisconsin basketball game that ended in heartbreak. Well, my heartbreak was for Zach NOT for OSU. Haha. We had the best dinner ever at Napolese. Pizza like you eat in Rome and good wine, everything about it was just great. Then we went to the Butler game. It was a pretty close game and quite a bit of excitement but the refs liked their whistles a little too much so it seemed a little long. But Howard played, Mack scored 32 points, the random guy at half time mad the half-court shot (waited four years for that moment), and we won so it was a good night!
I’ve been thinking a lot today about what it means to be seen by Christ. Christ sees us. It is true. More than that, He sees us as part of His family. We are not an accident. Our experiences are not accidents. At church today Jeff talked about mapping our journey and our tendency to either (1) overestimate our own capacity and control or (2) underestimate and undervalue God’s ability. And when I think about my life, I tend to live at one of the extremes. I might change which one, but I always seem to be on either end. I’ve been thinking a lot today about what it would look like for me to live in the tension between the two. Because both of the extremes are equally selfish. We have to be okay with the space in between because that is where Jesus is. I don’t want to get ahead of, or run away from God, I want to live in-step with Him in the tension. The tension is where I need to be because it is where Jesus is. When I figure things out myself I convince myself that I don’t need God and that is false. I pray for the same desperation I had when I was fully engaged in the internship process. I want that same thirst for the Word. I want to live in that place of needing Jesus, relying on Jesus to sustain me, knowing my place and understanding His. Jeff said, “We are equipped to walk the middle road,” and I think I forget that sometimes. I feel like I got some pretty big answers regarding the summer. I got some pretty clear direction. But now part of me feels stagnant. Like I’ve stopped engaging in the process of transformation. I’ve been feeling a lack of need for God. And I know that that is silly. I know that I always need God. But when things are good I sometimes forget to engage Christ. It’s like I’m living between the two poles but don’t allow myself to engage in the tension that exists there. That’s where the prayer for desperation comes in. I want to ask myself, what does it look like for me to live in the tension? To stay in-step with the Spirit at all times? Because I am not an accident. My life is not an accident. And my experiences are not an accident.
No comments:
Post a Comment