all that i need.

This season of advent is hitting me hard.  Rocking my world and bringing me truth.  I am waiting.  I've been waiting for what feels like forever.  And it's hard.  It's confusing and frustrating and at times overwhelming.  I don't like it.  But never in this waiting have I lost hope.  And that is big.  I have Jesus and because I have Jesus I have hope.  I ask questions, I haggle with God, I throw my hands up and say, What the heck are you doing?!  But never have I lost hope.  I can wait in expectation.  God didn't just show up in a manger 2000 years ago but He continues to show up today.  And I can expect Him to show up tomorrow, and the next day.  I can have hope in the midst of waiting.

"GOD IS ALL THAT I NEED.  BUT I CANNOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT UNTIL GOD IS ALL THAT I HAVE."

Truth.  That came from a sermon at my church in Indy (Dec 4).  Listen to it here, it's SO good and reminds us that we can have hope.  The King is coming.  The sermon asks, What is it that God wants me to get out of the wilderness (waiting)?  That is seriously the question I ask literally every day.  Why the heck am I here (in VA)?  Show me why I'm here.  And I pray for a heart and a mind that is still.  That hears the voice of God.  Because for me, the wilderness can be loud sometimes.  Or muffling.  Sometimes I only hear myself.  Or I hear the voices of everyone else.  But I want to hear the voice of God and I need to.  Because the wilderness is the place where I come to grips with the fact that God is all that I need but I can't fully understand that until God is all that I have.  He is speaking.  He comes, He enters into my situation with me, He invites me into the light.  He is coming to form me and to deliver me.  It's my job to recognize it.

"In those in between places where I am not where I was, and I am not where I am going, God comes in to teach us that the wilderness is not designed for me to long to get out of the wilderness, as much as it is designed for me to get something out of the wilderness."

I'm reminded of the truth.  That there is hope in waiting.  Seek it.  Pursue it.  Allow yourself to experience it.  

comfort

"Father, You alone know what lies before me this day.  Grant that in every hour of it I may stay close to you.  Let me today embark on no undertaking that is not in line with your will for my life, nor shrink from any sacrifice which your will may demand.  For my Lord Christ's Sake.  Amen."

A Diary of Private Prayer, John Baillie

seek

THE EARTH IS THE LORD'S, AND EVERYTHING IN IT, THE WORLD AND ALL WHO LIVE IN IT... 

Psalm 24:1

Acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with WHOLEHEARTED DEVOTION and with a WILLING MIND, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.  If you seek him, he WILL be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.  Consider how, for the Lord has CHOSEN YOU to build a temple as a sanctuary.  BE STRONG AND DO THE WORK.

. . . . .

BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS, AND DO THE WORK.  DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD GOD, MY  GOD, IS WITH YOU.  HE WILL NOT FAIL YOU OR FORSAKE YOU...

David to Solomon, I Chronicles 28: 9&10, 20

#sweetsweetchesapeake

What a weekend in #sweetsweetchesapeake.  I am so exhausted but I feel so incredibly full at the same time.  My spirit is rejuvenated.  I feel this overwhelming sense of joy.  Really.  Truly.  My heart feels like it's overflowing and I'm just excited and encouraged about life.  Lord, thank you for these people.  Thank you for making us for community.  Thank you for the gift of shared experiences.  Thank you for the way I see you in my friends.

Highlights:
--Chick-fil-A.  It's a special place in Chesapeake.  Only great memories there.  Learned you can return your kids meal toy for an ice cream cone.  Winner.  Also learned they have bendy straws and straight straws.  Who knew?  Lots of laughter there.  And for me, a few tears...
--Triple R Ranch.  More friends, more animals.  Coleman and Austin are quite the horse whisperers...

No words necessary:

--Fountains.  Just one of the many features of #sweetsweetchesapeake.
--Monsters Inc. and a shoelace.  Eric you saved the day.  And our ears.

Thanks, friends, for a great weekend.  Juliette, Callie, Eric, Austin, Coleman, Leslie, Kristy, Mezz, Jim, Baha, Matt, Josh, Dave, RJ, Maria, Charles.  What a gift you are.

puddle of suck

Moving is hard.  Not a this sucks, I want to go home hard but a whoa, I'm learning a lot hard.  There are good days and not so good days and lately I feel like there's been a lot more of the not so good ones.  I guess you just don't really think like an outsider or know what it's like until you are one.  It's easy when things are hard to sit and sulk in my own puddle of suck.  Reminding myself of how lonely or sad or stuck or disconnected I feel.  But I am not alone.  Puddles dry up and so do puddles of suck.  Christ is with me and for me and that is more than enough.  Sometimes I forget that, but it is truth.  I'm grateful for how much bigger Christ is than all of this.

Never in my life have I ever wanted someone to ask me how I was doing so badly.  Someone to call me and check in.  Someone to say they were thinking of me.  Someone to make sure I was doing okay.  Someone to invite me in.  But that's me running to people not Jesus.  When things get tough I go straight to the phone hoping (1) they'll answer and (2) their voice will cheer me up.  Or I immediately want to call Linda and ask for advice.  But all of those things have been removed from me and Christ is forcing me at his feet.  And I'll be honest, I'm resisting it.  My time with the Lord has been anything but rich or consistent.  I feel Him tugging, calling me to Him, and I'm stubborn and refuse to turn around.  I refuse to run into His arms of peace and love.  And have the longings of my heart been satisfied?  No.  I still thirst and ache for more because people are not perfect.  They will disappoint.  They are not Jesus.  I need Jesus.  Only He can satisfy the thirst of my heart and longing of my soul.  

I was thinking about high school kids today.  Envisioning the cafeteria at ZCHS where I led YL in college.  And I can clearly see in my mind the kids on the outside.  On the fringe.  The kids who don't fit in.  Who  sit alone or are super shy or just socially awkward.  Or those who are super goth or hipster.  Every school has them.  The kids that as leaders we're intimidated by not because they're scary but because we don't know how to approach them, or how to start the conversation, or how in the world we'd ever relate to them.  But it hit me that those kids...those kids who sit outside the lunchroom instead of in the lunchroom...those kids feel every day the way I felt last week.  Dying for an invitation.  Craving someone to simply ask them how they are doing.  Someone showing up and making them feel noticed, loved, cared for, significant, worthy.  And then I feel like, Why was I ever scared of approaching those kids?  Why did I worry?  Or question?  Because those kids who seem unreachable are dying to be known.  They're ready.  Their hearts are there.  They're longing.  They don't put up a front.  They're just waiting for an invitation.

So despite the challenges of moving I see Christ.  I'm gaining a new perspective and I'm learning.  And in this case, learning to love the outsider.

lift

Lunch dates are my favorite.  Rachel and I decided we were going to lunch today and she said it was my job to pick a place so I did some research.  I love going out to lunch.  It is one of my favorite things.  And atmosphere is a big deal for me.  Love the cute local places with fresh local food.  Something different.  The hidden gem that not everyone knows of.  The places that make you feel like you know the inside scoop and have lived there your whole life.

So we went to Lift Coffee Shop and Cafe.  It was amazing!  Delicious.  And local.  I love local!  And it was super cute.  We sat outside because it was a great day.  In Rachel's words it was "temperate" outside.  And we wanted to be one of those trendy people eating outside.  Perfect. 

Didn't take this pic but wanted to show you.

I've been searching for my favorite lunch place, my favorite coffee shop, and my favorite house in RVA.  For some reason those three things make a place feel like a home to me.  And it's harder than it sounds cause there are lots of options here.  But Lift is definitely going on the lunch list.  Can't wait to go back for some coffee.  Maybe I'll go for First Friday because they participate!  I love First Fridays!  

risk

"A risk taken in the direction of God and His Kingdom is never a failure.  It may not look good on paper but it is never a failure."

-Jeff Krajewski, Common Ground Christian Church

humpback rocks

Went to Harrisonburg for the weekend.  On the way back I went for a little hike.  A solo hike.  One of my friends in college always went on solo hikes and I thought he was dumb.  Like stupid for climbing a mountain alone.  Because he could get attacked by bears or fall off a cliff and no one would know.  But it really is great.  Tranquil.  Freeing.  Peaceful.  It was an absolutely beautiful fall day and more than worth the stop.  I decided today that (1) VA is an absolutely beautiful state, (2) I could get married in October and (3) I want to still go hiking when I'm old.

Could have stayed for days.  Beautiful.

The sky was so blue!

Those rocks were scary.  Didn't attempt, I was alone.  

Back down the trail.

You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.  Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus...

Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David.  This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal.  But God's word is not chained.  Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.  Here is a trustworthy saying:

If we died with him, 

we will also live with him; 

if we endure, 

we will also reign with him.  

If we disown him, 

he will also disown us; 

if we are faithless, 

he will remain faithful, 

for he cannot disown himself.

-2 Timothy 2:1-3 & 8-13

This trip to Harrisonburg was great!  New friends and old friends.  It still just blows my mind when I think about where I am.  I LIVE IN RICHMOND, VIRGINIA!!!  Before August 2010 I had zero connections to VA.  I mean ZERO.  Didn't know anyone from here, had only been to DC and that doesn't even really count, nothing.  Now I live here.  I experience community here.  I experience Jesus here.  Visiting Harrisonburg was just another reminder of the million and ten ways the Lord has moved in my life in the past 14 months.  He has done big things, the unimaginable.  And I can expect the God of the universe to continue to show up and do big things.  To do mind blowing things.  To do things that are far greater than I could have ever imagined or dreamed or thought of myself.

Right now I'm waiting.  I'm trying to be patient.  To not react.  I don't want to be reactionary or make emotional decisions.  I don't want to settle or make quick decisions because I feel like I have to.  But I also don't want to waste this time.  I want to experience everything the Lord has for me here, and in my mind that means doing something, being something, having a full schedule.  But it's becoming quite clear that the stillness and the silence and the I-have-more-time-on-my-hands-than-I-know-what-to-do-with is where the Lord has me.  And not wasting this time means not packing it with to-do lists and errands but filling it with Jesus.  Sweet, simple, quiet time with Him.  Asking daily, what do you want me to experience today Lord?  And listening and exploring and making myself available to hear the answer.  I can sit in the silence at the feet of Jesus with confidence because the Lord has shown up big before.  I wouldn't be here in RVA making day trips to JMU if that wasn't true.

rewind.

I wrote this back in July when I was still at Saranac.  Looking to gain back this perspective on life right now.  I have it.  I think.  I just need to believe in it.  To trust in it.  To surrender to it...    

I have been really focused lately on the question, how do I begin the process of discovering what the Lord has for me in the fall?  I feel a real and genuine peace about the fall.  Something that I know is a gift from the Lord.  It is not of my doing at all.  Peace like this is not possible to muster out of human strength or desire.  And I really do have such assurance that the Lord has something great for me come October.  But I kept finding myself going back to the question...how do I start the process?  Not, what am I going to do?  But how do I engage in the process of figuring out what I'm going to do?

But today was different.  The Lord hit me with a real truth:  the process has already begun.  This whole time I keep asking how do I start and the Lord just made it clear today that that question is irrelevant because the process already began.  A long time ago it began.  When I started journeying with the Lord it began.  It's now.  I'm living it.  It's not a matter of starting it, it's a matter of recognizing it and listening to it and having the courage to follow it.  The courage to follow the whisper of God.

I am in this place of wanting to leave the doors of opportunity open, yet wanting to make a decision.  Apparently this is quite characteristic of people whose spiritual gift is serving.  I never want to close opportunities because I'm always looking for ways to fill in the gaps.  But I was encouraged today when talking to Moreen.  She said, "Gain the experience while you have the time and freedom to gain the experience."  Wisdom and truth right there.  I am an explorer, looking for ways to step in.  I have a lot of gifts and am constantly desiring to learn new skills/experience, new things so I will be able to step in and fill more gaps.  A wider range of gaps.  Meet more needs.  So go.  Gain the experience.  Listen to the nudge of the Spirit.  Quiet myself long enough to hear that nudge and go.  Go for a week, go for a month, go for forever.  Just go and be in-step with the Spirit.  Recognize opportunities the Lord is putting in front of me right now.  I don't need anyone's permission to go, I can just go and be and explore.

wheelhouse

I'm here!  Wheelhouse.  What?!  YES!!!  It's been a crazy day but great.  People keep asking me how I'm feeling and I'm really not stressed at all.  Was a little when I thought Mom and Dad were going to beat me to RVA, but it ended up being great.  I feel a lot of things right now but it's kinda hard to make sense of it all.  Didn't expect to move in and find out about next summer all in one day.  But I'm in Richmond now.  I get to establish roots here.  Create a life.  Trying to trust while asking the Lord what my life here is supposed to look like.

Best part of the day...I got real mail!  Yes, been here less than a day an I got a legit letter!  Well, it's actually a letter that's been on quite the USPS delivery adventure.  First Indy, then Saranac, now RVA.   And it arrived today!  A wedding invitation for my teammate.  Love it even though I can't make the trip to AZ.  Made me feel home.  And another great moment...I ran into someone I knew running errands.  Yes, literally the one other person I know in RVA I ran into on a whim!  And I think I'm going to have a visitor tomorrow!  Like I said, home.  

joy & obedience

How often I associate joy with freedom but I think a more accurate association would be joy and obedience or joy and discipline.  Freedom, free will, me doing what I want...that doesn't define joy it defines selfishness.  And how often do I desire freedom?  I think to myself, if I could just do _________ then I would have joy.  Or, if I could just be __________ I'd experience joy.  And how often to I find myself in those places, the places I've chosen to be in, and completely without joy.  None.  Instead, I experience the opposite of joy.

The last week has been full of such incredible joy.  Really.  Incredible!  I'm feeling so full.  And I think, why?  Why now?  I'm sitting on a deck in Kentucky, not my house.  My car is literally a closet on wheels, I'm saying lots of goodbyes, and I am in the process of moving to a place I have never even visited.  Not even once!  My life is so unsettled yet I feel my heart overflowing with joy.  But I think it's because I'm being obedient.  This isn't profound, I just didn't make the connection before.  But I'm making it now.  Joy and obedience.  I have obeyed.  This is one of the first times I feel confident in my obedience.  Jesus said go and I followed.  I am walking with Him this path into the unknown and he has gifted me with such joy.  Such real, full, spirit-pumping, indescribable, JOY.  It's not a mystery or an accident or a fluke.  Christ wants us to experience joy.  He wants us to experience the desires of our heart.  And He's teaching me the best way tot do it is through obedience.  Unwavering focus on Christ and deep, reckless, unconditional trust in Him.

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in my love.  If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that your joy may be complete.  My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you."
-Jesus  (John 15)

"It is impossible to receive Christ and not to receive His joy.  FOR HIS JOY IS JOY!  It is the delirious music of those who have been delivered."
-Walking with the Saints, Calvin Miller

ahhhhhhh!!!

Excitement.  Anticipation.  Expectation.  Preparation.  Joy.  Reminiscing.  Planning.  Packing.  So many things!  But Lord, YOU have me in your hands.  Without a doubt.  Called Case today about rent checks, she picks up the phone saying, "Literally, just talking about you."  Lord, thank you for the community I'm entering in to.  I've never felt wanted or desired like this before.  Really, I don't know that feeling well.  But I'm thankful.  Not that I have attention.  But thankful that this is the situation and these are the people I'm walking into, soon to be living life with.  People eager to love and to pursue and to be present.  I've already felt so loved and cared for by people, most of whom I don't even know.  People praying and asking and making it their mission to find me work.  I'm excited for this time.  Excited to GO.  To BE.  To DO.  To LEARN.  To DISCOVER. To LIVE.  To LOVE.  To BE LOVED.  This is your will.  And it's still mind-blowing that this is my life.  This is real.  This is happening.  I am so underserving of such a great gift.  Lord, I am filed with anticipation and excitement.  Even a little WONDER.  ADVENTURE.  But help me not to have expectations but to let me discover and explore and be.  To take things as they come.  To be present.  To be vulnerable.  To be transparent.  To be unscripted.  To live into the beautiful mystery of every day.  I am one lucky girl.  One girl who is loved by you, Lord.  I pray that in this move I am able to balance old and new relationships.  Balance my time. Balance my finances.  I pray that nothing is done on my own power or strength or knowledge but that every single decision--big and small--be made with you.  Given to you.  Saturated with you.  It's good to know I'm desired.  It's good to know people are excited about my arrival.  But it's better to know this is your will and that you are with me in this.  Help me see and experience things I need to see and experience here where I am.  Before I move.  Prepare my heart and mind for moving while still living presently here.  Discovering the sweetness and the gift of this time off with family.  I don't want to loose sight of the gift I'm living in right now.

montreal

Grateful for opportunity to experience adventure.  And life--FULL life.  We spent our second mandatory day off in Montreal.  Me, Dirk, Nick, Casey, Charles, Kristy, Marshall, and Callie.  It was so great!  Such a neat city.  LOVED swinging on the swings and playing on the playground.  LOVED the clouds.  LOVED driving north on 15 to get back to the States...not.  Wrong way.  But hilarious.  LOVED eating at Applebee's together even though our waiter was awful.  Thank you Lord for something different.  The last couple days have been full of adventure and community and it has been such a gift.  And rather unexpected I'd add.  Sitting in a park that overlooks the city of Montreal, grateful that I said yes to the adventure of today.  Grateful that I didn't settle for normal.  What is normal anyway?  And I pray that I continue to see the adventure to be experienced every day.  Because that is life with Christ.  ADVENTURE.  I'm never too old, too young, too unfamiliar, too busy, or too poor for adventure.  I hope that that is always my attitude.  Today I am extra grateful for the people in my life who remind me that there is adventure to be found in the daily.  I am grateful for the people who push me towards life and life to the full.  Grateful for the people who push me past complacency and into new experiences.  Grateful for the people who remind me that interruptions can be divine appointments.  Grateful for the people who encourage me to say yes to the unknown and to go for it.

The CP200s made the trip.  Duh. 

This made me feel weird.

Art for some.  Playground for others.

Montreal!

ready. lift. HIT IT!

It's halfway done today and we celebrated.  The internship that is.  And I don't really know how intentional it was, for us to have an intern hang-out at the halfway point, but we did.  (And I'm guessing it probs was intentional.  This is YL.)  Anyways, it was great.  Unexpected.  Out of the ordinary.  And a true gift.  We rarely, borderline never, get to hang out as all of us.  So today was special.

After cleaning we had a little down time.  Then we had a murder mystery party in the DHall.  Funny.  People were so into their characters.  Brian, "I'm da boss of bosses" and Alex's Brooklyn accent.  Lester was hilarious, especially at the end.

Then we parasailed.  From the beach.  That's right...beach launch.  Yes, what you're thinking is correct.  We ran off the beach behind a super fast boat with parachutes tied to our back.  Ready...Lift...HIT IT!  It was SO fun!  My first ride was a little rough, I was hanging up and down like a pencil in my harness.  Whoops!  But Corine and I went again so the interns could learn how to drive and it was great.  This time I was in my harness correctly and it was comfortable and I could enjoy the ride.  And the amazing sunset.  It was really great.  Lots of laughs.  Casey being dragged on the beach...again.  Coleman sacrificing himself for the team.  Retrieval team...dry chute!  Haha.  Eric running to get a helmet while clipped in to the trip bar with Brian.  Priceless.

What a gift it is to live life with these people in this place.  The Lord is present.  In creation.  In adventure.  In community.  Today was such a beautiful picture of that.

tommy's rock

How could you not love this place?

Tonight was fun.  Full of surprises.  Seizing the little moments.  It's about the halfway point and it's starting to hit us all.  Don't let the little things pass you by.  Don't settle.  And don't say you'll do it tomorrow.  Tonight the girls grabbed a quick beach dinner then headed straight to Tommy's Rock for a little LJ before Bible study.  Or a big LJ.  From a cliff.  My first experience "cliff" jumping.  It's not really a cliff, more of a rock, but it seems like one when you're on it.  I jumped first which is funny because I spent all afternoon telling Casey that I would for sure jump but I just needed someone to go first because I have this unhealthy fear of rocks under the surface (thanks Mom and Dad).  Welp, proved myself wrong.  Here are some pics:

Before.

During. 

After.

quiet

Today was my day off and it was great.  Really great actually.  It was a time to be alone and be quiet.  I love camp.  Love love camp.  But their is always noise, always people.  And lately I've found it hard for me to just be here.  To just be and sit and dwell in the Lord.  I have been distracted, tired, half-hearted in my quiet times.  But today was a gift.  A special gift.  I sat outside the library in Lake Placid at a picnic table overlooking the lake--definitely a Mark 1:35 spot--and read and reflected and prayed and processed and expressed gratitude and felt loved.  I was able to be.  To be just me and Jesus.

I am grateful for the way the Lord spoke through a friend this morning.  That sometimes trusting the Lord and abiding in the Lord means acting sooner rather than later.  This isn't always the case, but sometimes the Lord is telling us to go for it.  I think most of the time when the Lord calls me to this I hesitate.  I say I need to be more prayerful, that I need to make sure it's the Lord's will not my own, that I need to make sure it's right whatever right is...but sometimes I think that is a barrier to ultimately pursuing the Lord's will.  It's me saying I'm abiding but really I'm living by fear or doubt.  There's nothing wrong with being prayerful or desiring the Lord's will, we should be and do those things, but when I feel the call to go, even the slightest inclination, I need to go.  Not just think about going but actually doing it.  Delving into it.  Trusting it.  And being okay with the Lord changing the direction of my journey at any point in time.

My spot for the afternoon.

Here are some thoughts and prayers that have been on my heart as I think about the fall:

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.  I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness--the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints.  To them GOD HAS CHOSEN to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.  I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally.  My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.  For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

-Colosians 1:24-2:5

Go forth now as God's servant.  Remember God's presence often and draw strength from the knowledge that the One who calls and sends also sustains.

-A Guide to Prayer, Rueben P. Job and Norman Shawchuck

Put yourself COMPLETELY under the influence of Jesus, so that he may think his thoughts in your mind, do his work through your hands, for you will be ALL-POWERFUL with him to strengthen you.

-A Gift for God, Mother Teresa

Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.  Here is a trustworthy saying:  If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him  If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

-2 Timothy 2:10-13

Lord, I am grateful for the friends who have changed my life forever.  Friends that I never could have imagined coming into my life, friends I never imagined meeting, thank you for them.  Thank you for the way they walk alongside me, thank you for the way they encourage me, thank you for the way the speak truth to me, thank you for the way they love me.  They are such precious gifts from you.

bippity-boppity-boo

Tonight was the Assignment Team Gala.  It was so fun.  Such a gift.  Love this A-Team.  They decorated and baked and hosted.  Thank you Lord for the way the served us and loved us so well.  We ate food and shared stories and had great conversations and played games.  It reminded me of home.  It's definitely something we would do at Jack and Linda's or Jon and Annie's.  Todd asked us what camp staff or A-Team job we would have if we were on the other side of things.  For me, definitely Summer Staff Coordinator or Head Leader.  Think I would love either one of those positions.  Which is kind of funny because they are very different.

We also played this game bippity-boppity-boo.  HILARIOUS.  Was seriously so funny.  Especially with this group.  I loved how much we laughed tonight.  Especially at Melina and her competitiveness and shouting so no one can understand.  So much joy!  When I got in the middle I had a laughing spell...no surprise.  And started crying.  Also no surprise.  But it was great.  If you've never played you should.  Here's the gist--basically three people have to act out a certain something (bowl full of jello, gansta, banana, Kamikaze, George Washington) before the person in the middle says bippity-boppity-boo.)

Also so grateful for the sweet conversations tonight.  Both on the office steps and in the middle office.  Passions, anti-passions, and dispassions.  Great conversation.  Thanks girls for asking questions and being interested.  Felt really loved tonight.  You all are such a gift.

basketball festival. or if we're being classy, festivus.

So we decided as an intern community to have a basketball festival--Shoot Hoops Not Drugs:  An Interns Take on Faith and Basketball.  Or, if you're into abbrevs, SHND.  We're official.  We have a newsletter.  And we've all been given very official role as SHND administrators and coordinators:

Community Outreach:  Juliette "The Boss"

Social Media:  Caroline

Trainer:  Kristy

Grant Underwriter:  Me

Physical Therapist/Masseuse:  Coleman

Spokesperson:  Kyle

Accounting:  Corine

Team Psych:  Steph

Athletic Director:  Christian

Comm. Officer:  Casey

Stuntman:  Brian

Martial Arts:  Billy

Bodybuilder:  Austin

Spirit Leader:  Nick

Security:  Callie

Advertising:  Eric

Government Mediator/Lobbyist:  Ann

CEO/Co-Founders/Spiritual Leaders:  Charles and Alex

Here are the two leading articles in Volume 1 Issue 1 of our newsletter.  Hot off the press and printed copies have been circulating around camp.  

Dirk Makes Impact at First Festival

Dirk Moore, the seven-foot phenom from Upper Peninsula, Michigan, nephew of the Beth Moore, and idol of preschoolers everywhere, had a dazzling performance at the first weekly Festival, both on the court and off.  On the court, Dirk went 84% from the field.  With 16 rebounds and 9 assists, Dirk was spectacular.  The only blemish was his 0% Free Throw shooting performance, due to Dirk never reaching the charity stripe.  Off the court, Dirk led the Festival in worship, as well as a breakout session for middle-school boys about hygiene and their responsibility to play an active role in their community.  Said Michaels Jeffries, a 6th grader at local Tupper Lake Middle School, "man, that guy's huge."  Jeffries' mom commented, "He sure does like Old Spice, and Michael couldn't get over his stature."  She went on to say that the transformative power of Dirk was unparalleled in all of her years taking him to local basketball festivals.  Needless to say, Dirk stands out as the MVP of this week's Basketball Festival, as well as the Community Achievement Award winner for the month of May.

Stephenson finds his stroke, Doyle finds her sunglasses

Legend has it in Cincinnati, that there once was a small, Caucasian boy with short shorts, and tall dreams, who would shoot until the street lights went off.  Fortunately for him, they ran 24 hours a day.  Today, Eric Stephenson dominates on the court with a delectable mid-range jumper, served with a side order of prodigious vision.  Teammate Alex "Dwayne the Rock Johnson" Jorgensen says, "When I watched the weather report this morning, it called for clear skies, but Eric insisted on making it rain."  Stephenson delivered up bombs from all over the court, shooting 19-27 and 12 assists.  After the game he commented on his performance saying, I didn't feel like it was me out there.  It really felt like I was back in the Nati, serving up some oops to my brother Paul."  Those weren't the only oops Eric served.  After hitting his fourth jumper in a row, Eric pointed straight to the sky and yelled, "this is your house!"  For this gesture of radical faith, Eric Stephenson is this week's recipient of the Heart of Flesh Award, voted on by other players in each week's festival.  But Stephenson's triumph on the court and in his hearts wasn't the only victory we will sing.  Halfway through the festival, returning veteran Casy Doyle walked through the court, bent down next to the fence, only to come back up with her Ray Ban sunglasses she lost a week ago.  Afterwords, Doyle was amazed, "I lost them, then I found them.  So fetch!"  Wa to go Doyle. 

Tonight we had another basketball festival.  I wasn't really into playing, but decided to go and so glad I did.  It was another one of those small moments that was a big moment.  So glad I played.  It was the first time I've touched a basketball in probs close to six years but we had so much fun.  I was worried about people getting too competitive and then it not being fun but that was not at all the case.  We just had a blast being together.  

Today was full.  Full of lots of things.  Learned a little bit about electrical wiring.  That's one thing that is really neat and exciting about being here.  There are so many skilled people who love sharing their knowledge.  There are lots of opportunities to try new things, and camp generally has all the tools necessary to be successful.  And I'm not afraid of making mistakes.  Rather encouraged to go for it and try something new and figure it out.  Love that and it's been really cool.  Also drove Otto today, I've been helping out a bit on the waterfront.  I've enjoyed it and today was beautiful.  Hot actually.  Especially in a life jacket.  But my only two skiers got up and the tubers had a blast.  It was fun seeing their faces and hearing their laughter and their screams--it was most of their first times.  Love it.  Love that kids get to do something new and conquer fears and be in this gorgeous place and hopefully encounter Jesus in all of it.  Watched the guys do the Saranac Challenge, aka run from the stripe on main dock up the hill to the office back down the hill and into the water.  Maybe I'll try it before the summer's over.  Might die.  Then I finished landscaping around the area that we had to rewire and the day ended with a quick lake jump.  It felt SO good!  And reminded me of August.  So refreshing.  After dinner is when we had the SHND Festival.  Good day.  Also got some love from some sweet sweet friends.  Thank you for the letters and packages.  Truly and sincerely.  

bye bye boat

It doesn't feel like Memorial Day weekend at all.  In fact in my mind it still seems to be about March.  I kind of feel like time has frozen between then and now.  Well, maybe not frozen because lots has happened.  Maybe more like March to May has just been one very long, continuous day.  Things just seem to run together with no 24 hour start or stop.  However, the reality is that it is Memorial Day weekend.  And for the past 22 years of my life, this weekend has marked the beginning of boating season.  Dad would always go the weekend before to work on the boat and then Thursday or Friday of Memorial Day weekend it would go in the water.  Us girls would go up north that Friday marking the official unofficial start to summer.

Some of my favorite childhood memories happened on the water.  We had countless cookouts with friends, we rafted 5 to 8 deep in Portage Lake, we had campfires and water balloon fights, and jumped in the basin when it was so hot the power went out.  I remember crossing the lake, making the trip from Manistee, MI to Door County, WI.  We rode our bikes to the Piggly Wiggly (grocery store) in the pouring rain and ate at a restaurant with goats (yes, real ones) on the roof.  I remember running out of gas on our way to Charlevoix.  Whoops!  And breaking a propeller in Harbor Springs and my mom buying sand art to keep us occupied while our boat was pulled out of the water and worked on for a few days.  I remember thinking it was really cool to sleep on the boat when it was still on land before we put it in the water for the season.  I remember my dad buying our family matching polos with a picture of our boat and Noel's Ark embroidered on them.  Still own the shirt actually.  My first encounter with poison ivy happened on a boat vacation, that was interesting.  I remember my dog as a puppy thinking it was really funny that she had a dead fish and we couldn't catch her.  I remember running into a Slow No Wake sign in Charlevoix (on a tube) and thinking that a shower meant diving in to get wet, shampooing, and diving in again to rinse.  For a solid 16-18 years of my life, my summers included spending every single weekend up north on our boat.  We took a 1-3 week vacation every year to all of our favorite spots:  Leland, Northport, Charlevoix, Petoskey, Traverse City, Mackinac Island, Beaver Island, and Harbor Springs.  Late years of high school and pretty much all of college I haven't gone on these vacations.  Really, I rarely made it north.  But my parents still did so it didn't seem much different.

But now that's done.  And it's weird.  It's weird that my parents are not putting in a boat this weekend.  They sold it a few months ago but it was made official last week.  The sea trial is done and the boat is no longer ours.  And it's weird.  No more just going out for the heck of it or taking the boat to dinner.  No more going out to swim because mom doesn't like sand.  No more 4th of Julys watching the fireworks from our marina.  No more travels by sea to all of our favorite vacation places.  It's sad.  Boating was a huge part of my childhood.  Huge.  Boating time was family time.  So it's just weird.  Weird for me because I've spent all 22 years of my life with a boat.  But weird (and hard) for my parents who have spent the past 50+ summers on the water. 

summer prayer

Father, 

Allow the soil of my soul to be a place that is fertile and receptive to all that you desire to plant in my heart.  Tend it carefully and nurture all that has sprung up in me that is of you; that I may be a garden of your delight.  Through Jesus.  Amen.  (JLB)

Psalm 65

Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion; 

   to you our vows will be fulfilled. 

You who answer prayer, 

   to you all people will come. 

When we were overwhelmed by sins, 

   you forgave our transgressions. 

Blessed are those you choose 

   and bring near to live in your courts! 

We are filled with the good things of your house, 

   of your holy temple.

You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds, 

   God our Savior, 

the hope of all the ends of the earth 

   and of the farthest seas, 

who formed the mountains by your power, 

   having armed yourself with strength, 

who stilled the roaring of the seas, 

   the roaring of their waves, 

   and the turmoil of the nations. 

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; 

   where morning dawns, where evening fades, 

   you call forth songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it; 

   you enrich it abundantly. 

The streams of God are filled with water 

   to provide the people with grain, 

   for so you have ordained it. 

You drench its furrows and level its ridges; 

   you soften it with showers and bless its crops. 

You crown the year with your bounty, 

   and your carts overflow with abundance. 

The grasslands of the wilderness overflow; 

   the hills are clothed with gladness. 

The meadows are covered with flocks 

   and the valleys are mantled with grain; 

   they shout for joy and sing.

back at the nac

This is real.  I'm at Saranac.  What?!?!!  YES.  It's been good to be back.  As cliché as it sounds, I turned right into the drive of Saranac and took a huge sigh of relief.  It's been relieving being here.  I feel at peace.  I feel like my head can stop spinning and I can just be.  Be me.  Be in the presence of the Lord.  Be in community.  Just BE.  And I need that right now so it is such a gift.

I feel really affirmed in being here.  That this is of the Lord.  On the waterfront last year we ended every day talking about where we saw Jesus.  And I love thinking like that.  He's everywhere!  All I have to do is open my eyes.  And already, in the past 3 days, I have seen the Lord in so many people and in so many places and situations and conversations and opportunities.  This has been so great.  A true gift.  And gets me real excited about what will be happening the rest of the summer.  One of my hopes for this summer is that I don't miss/overlook the small things that are actually really big.  I tend to focus on tasks, having a constant checklist in my mind.  And I want to be okay with ditching the checklist and living fully in the present, being in the presence of the Lord and others.  Small example:  got to Saranac.  Caroline and Juliette helped me carry my stuff from my car to BFL then we headed pretty much straight to dinner.  After dinner I had a one-track mind of unpacking and trying to get settled.  Caroline and I were walking back to BFL after dinner and some of the interns were playing Death Hack, aka pelt with a volleyball.  When we were asked if we wanted to play my mind immediately went with wanting to unpack and thinking I'm still in "good" clothes.  Then I was like, what the heck?!  Of course!  Life is so much more than unpacking suitcases.  People matter way more than that.  And I'm so glad that the Lord encouraged me to play.  Simple, but significant.  We had so much fun.  Laughed so hard.  And got super competitive.  Haha, you could probably guess who.  But it was such a priceless moment.  And I know that there are many many more of these moments to come this summer and I don't want to miss them.  Not at all.  They are small yet they are so big.  I think about this in terms of my free time here at camp but also in terms of my job.  I don't want to be so task/job focused that I miss the unique and special ways the Lord is working all around me (Mary and Martha).  He is working in such significant and unexpected ways and I want to notice.  I want to be awe struck by the simple and extraordinary and rejoice in those things. 

"I don't want to wait anymore.  I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day.  I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold.  The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another.  That's the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don't even see it, because I'm too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become.  The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting."  

Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

transition

This weekend was crazy.  Commencement.  Grad party.  Wedding.  Packing/moving.  Baby shower.  Drive to MI.  all in just over 48 hours.  Even though it was crazy, this weekend was about celebrating transition.  Everything was exciting and fun.  It was a weekend of being with family and close friends.  On Wednesday Linda gave a toast saying, "Thank goodness you're not staying in college."  Initially I thought it was weird.  But it makes sense.  There are so many things to look forward to.  The climax of life isn't at 22.  In the same way that I am grateful that I didn't stay in high school, I should be grateful that I'm not staying in college.  So many great and exciting things have happened over the past four years.  I have met truly wonderful people, and had amazing experiences, and have learned so much about myself, others, and the world.  But I can still expect those things for the lifetime ahead.  And that's exciting.

And the rest of the weekend, after Commencement, gave me an idea of some of the things I have to look forward to.  Hopefully.  Having parties and get-toegethers with all my favorite people.  Getting married and   having a fun, fun wedding--dancing and singing and eating--celebrating with people from all different eras and aspects of my life who love and encourage me.  Having a baby and learning what it means to be a mom.  There is so much still to come!  Even if my future doesn't have these specific events in them, there is still so much life to be lived!  So much joy and so much celebrating!

One of my friends sent me a text before graduation that said, "Enjoy it!" and I'm so glad she did.  I've been thinking about that all weekend.  It's been hard because it's been a whirlwind, but I was trying my hardest to enjoy it.  Even the boiling-hot-plus i'm wearing a graduation gown-3-hour-long-my chair is not at all comfortable-commencement-with not the greatest speakers, I tried to enjoy. 

Take it in.  Enjoy it.  Give thanks for these moments.  Trust Jesus in transition and CELEBRATE!  The best part about this weekend was spending it with people whom I love.  So great!



Side note.  Saying goodbye is awkward.  Goodbye, um, forever???  What are you supposed to say?  Of course, there are people I know I'll see again.  But those goodbyes aren't really awkward because they aren't really goodbyes.  But the other people...the we're friends because we have class together or the we're friends because we have mutual friends...those goodbyes are awkward.  

stuffed

I am writing this post completely and utterly stuffed.  Like I could not fit another crumb of food or drop of liquid into my body if I tried, no joke.  But I don't want to start there...

There were so many good things about today.  After a difficult few, today was good.  I haven't really been feeling anything about graduation.  And that's been hard.  People ask all the time, "How's it feel?" expecting me to say things like exciting and weird.  And most of the time I do even though I don't really feel that way.  I'm just kind of indifferent about it I guess.  Like well, it's here, and why wouldn't I be graduating?  It's just been hard and I get super frustrated because I feel like it's supposed to be this super joyous time and everyone's excited etc. etc. and I'm just going through the motions.  I've lost sleep over feeling this way, which I know sounds stupid.  But my sweet sweet friend spoke some very wise words to me at 2AM last night:  expectations are dangerous.  prayerful expectations are healthy.  base your expectations on scripture and expect the unexpected.  And this morning I met with Jon for breakfast and he brushed it off and said he felt the same way when he graduated.  Made me feel a lot better.  Like I wasn't so crazy for feeling nothing.  And I read today, There is nothing--no thing, no person, no experience, no thought, no joy or pain--that cannot be harvested and used for nourishment on our journey to God...Everything in your life is a stepping-stone to holiness if only you recognize that you have within you the grace to be present to each moment (Marcina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels).  Clearly, Jesus is telling me this isn't a big deal and that this 'nothingness' I'm feeling is not for nothing.  I can waste away and worry about these feelings or I can give them to God to transform them into nourishment.  I feel like it's starving me but it's possible for this to nourish.    

Spent the early morning running around looking for the perfect cardigan and shoes for events of the next four days.  Failure.  It was also 90 degrees here, literally, which made the whole process that much more miserable.  The news said Indy reached 91 today breaking a record set in the 1800s.  Hot.  And sticky.

Had champagne and hors d'oeuvres with BoFo.  Although his toast was completely emotionless, it was fun to go and get all dressed up and take pictures with Blue and read the letters we wrote to ourselves freshman year during welcome week.  

After we had a full out Italian feast.  I'm talking 5 courses!  We had been planning this dinner with our friends since traveling to Europe last May.  We started by making our own caprese  salads where we expressed ourselves and learned about SOB:  salt, olive oil, balsamic.  Must go in that order.  It was paired with a sparkling white.  Then onto the cheese ravs in browned butter.  Literally, butter was the sauce on these ravs.  Mary Ellen was in heaven.  We sprinkled them with pine nuts, parmesan from Prima Italy, and fresh parsley and it was paired with Pinot Grigio.  Then came John's famous cabonara and we switched to a red Chianti.  John was only getting started with this Italian feast, teaching us how to make everything, explaining to us the wine pairings, passionately expressing how you can fix any Italian recipe with either wine, butter or garlic so it's impossible to mess up.  We then ate chicken in a red wine reduction cream sauce with sun-dried tomatoes.  We learned you can hold anything indefinitely in the oven at 170 degrees and that wine can completely clean your "burned" pan.  For dessert we had mascarpone with blackberries, raspberries and strawberries.  It was seriously one of the best things I've ever eaten.  John made coffee with amaretto and cream and sugar.  Again, delicious.  And this is obviously why I'm still stuffed...

It was a special night.  Pretending we were back in Europe and reminiscing about our trip.  We figured out that this day last year was actually our favorite day.  We were at the Mountain Hostel and the weather was actually sunny and beautiful.  We hiked the Swiss Alps (vorsicht!), laid/read on the picnic tables, ordered four pizzas...one at a time.  It was great.  But tonight was great, too.  It was great to be in such wonderful company.  Jack, Linda, John, and Kim are all so wonderful and have so much wisdom about life.  They love the Lord with all their heart and care for people so well.  They shared stories of how they've been impacted by each other in big ways and how they've seen the Lord in their lives.  Got to hear some super encouraging (and funny...duh, it's Jack and John...) YL stories from years past.  We learned life lesson #52:  Surround yourself with people who always think your future is bigger and brighter than today, and #62:  There is this much space (smidgen) between genius and crazy.  Tonight was truly special.  I am so grateful for their hospitality and their wisdom and for they way they love people so incredibly well.  I'm grateful for the laughter and the encouragement and the conversations we shared tonight.  

this is getting real

So I'm done with class and graduation is on Saturday.  It's all really exciting but also scary.  Some real-life realizations are setting in.  I did this mandatory exit counseling on my student loans (if you have any student loans you can look forward to doing this too) and it freaked me out.  Seeing all those numbers, numbers I knew were there all along but managed to forget about for four years, is scary.  And immediately my first thought was 'Why in the heck did I change my major?'  'Why am I not a pharmacist?'  And I hate that.  I know it's not true.  I know that graduating with a six figure salary means nothing and would not make me feel any better about seeing these numbers, or make my life any easier, or make me any happier, but it's easy for me to believe that lie.  Especially because that lie is something that I clung to for so long.

But Jesus says, Come to me.  Get away with me and you'll recover your life (Mt. 11:28).  Following Jesus is risky.  It's not easy.  It's not safe or comfortable or secure or predictable.  All the things as a human I want, it is not.  It is counter-cultural and in some ways counter-intuitive.  But as a follower of Christ I am meant to live a life of boldness and courage and trust--just as Jesus did.  Tonight before Communion someone said, be relieved by the call to walk with Christ.  And that's hard for me.  Especially in times like this.  To be relieved and trust that what Christ has put on my heart is really what's best for me.  That the Lord can and will provide for my needs.  To rest in the fact that I'm walking with Jesus.  But tonight I felt reassured and affirmed in my journey.  I got this overwhelming feeling that it was going to be okay and that I need to keep pursuing this path because my desires are good and of the Lord.

"Only God's purpose can satisfy your longing and leave you NOTHING to wish for.  

Adore, WALK COSE TO IT, see through and abandon all fantasy."

-St. Augustine

I Will Exalt, Amanda Falk

I will exalt you Lord  

I will exalt you Lord

There is no one like you God

I will exalt you Lord

I will exalt you Lord

No other name be lifted high

Your presence is all I need

It's all I want and all I see

And without it, without it there's no meaning

Your presence is the air I breathe

The song I sing and the love I need

And without it, without it I'm not living

mini marathon

13.1 DONE!  I've wanted to run the Mini since being at Butler but it's during finals, which complicates things.  And last year we went to Europe.  But this year was it!  Sarah and I decided back in the fall that this was our year and we were going to run!  Ha.  We had way more enthusiasm about it then.

The Indianapolis Mini Marathon is the largest mini in the country--35,000 strong.  That's so many people.  And it sells out months in advance.  I'm pretty sure we registered back in September or October.  Crazy.

This is looking down the street one way...

The same spot looking the other way...

Sarah and I want to know how you get 35,000+ every year to travel from all over the country (and possibly world) to pay to run 13.1 miles.  It just doesn't seem to make sense.  But it was fun.  Well, kind of.  I have this nasty cold that I can't seem to shake so it was a little rough for me.  My dad told me I sounded like Donald Duck on the phone.  And if my mom didn't think I was going to die before, she certainly did now.  But I finished.  Just took a little longer than I had hoped.  

My other friend Sarah woke up early and drove us downtown.  Thanks for that, Sar!  Made the morning much less stressful.  She was also our professional photographer, so great.

She spotted us waiting in our corral.

Then we saw her!

I spotted her on the course in my last mile...

WE'RE DONE!

miracle

Our God is big.  SO big.  I prayed for a miracle last night and it was granted!  Last week one of my YL girls came to Club telling me she had just found out her mom had cancer.  Literally, just found out that morning on the way to school.  Her parents hadn't told her anything before.  She and her sister figured it out when their dad stayed home from work to go with their mom to her doctor appointment.  Red flag.  But today they got the official test results back and IT'S NOT CANCER!  Praise Jesus, He heals!!  She texted me the news and I immediately called her back.  Such news is worthy of much more than a text.  I was almost in tears in our conversation.  Literally jumping up and down with excitement and praise and honestly, some disbelief.  There was such joy in that news and such relief, but also fear (Easter sermon).  The fear of if it's not cancer than what is it?  But that is a question that I need not let consume me in this moment.  For now, this is a time of celebration.  A time to praise God for what he has done.  She was so relieved.  This news lifted a weight of fear and anxiety off her shoulders.  It's burden was lifted.  She felt a sense of freedom in knowing it wasn't cancer.  She had excitement and hope in her voice.  I'm grateful for moments like this where it is so clear that God is present.  That He is real that He is in control that He is with us that He hears us and that He loves us.  Our God is capable of big things.  He's doing big things everyday.  Mustn't forget that.    

the power of vulnerability

Lots of great stuff to unpack in this...

easter

Easter was great this year.  Us girls got to church so early because we thought it was going to be packed.  As we waited for the service I felt like we were at the playground.  Kids were running around, screaming and playing together.  They were eating the communion wafers by the handful, so funny to watch.  They thought they were being sneaky but they weren't.

We met a new friend at church.  Well, Sar did.  Then she invited her over to Jack and Linda's and we became friends.  Such courage and boldness she has!  To go over to a stranger's house with complete strangers to celebrate Easter.  What?!  When Sar and she were talking at church, I thought they were friends.  Then she showed up and Jack and Linda's so I thought, clearly they've meet before--how do I not know her?  But nope!  Essentially they had never met.  The way this whole thing played out was just a beautiful picture of the Gospel.  I know my words will do a horrible job of describing/conveying the greatness and beauty of this situation.  All I can really say is that Jesus was in it all.  It was obvious that He orchestrated all of it.  The whole day was just so intentional.

After donut making, jambalaya, Oberweis chocolate milk, Lemi Shine, and a Just Dance 2 competition, I had a great conversation with Jack.  It started talking about Saranac and how I felt about going (anxieties, excitement, etc.) and transitioned into a conversation about broken relationships and healing and forgiveness.  It was real and hard and brought up some real pain.  I left their house with a heavy heart.  It was weird--to have such joy and such pain on Easter.  I feel like it's a day where people are supposed to be happy and glad and celebratory.  And it was.  But it was all those other things too.  In the sermon this morning Jeff talked about the tension where joy and fear meet.  This place where old life and new life converge.  I am feeling that tension tonight.  But I have Jesus.  So moving forward from here there is new life.  Transformation.  Restoration.  Healing.  That's the gift.  That's the hope.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it (John 1:4-5). 

I feel like this was written specifically for me tonight:
...Lord, living in your grace, let me share a little, through the attention I give to others, your loving care for us / Let me, on my knees, adore in them the mystery of your created love. / Let me respect your idea of them without trying to impose my own. / May I allow them to follow the path that you have marked out for them without trying to take them along mine. / May I realize that they are indispensable to the world, and that I can't do without the least of them. / May I never tire of looking at them and enriching myself with the treasures you have entrusted to them. / Help me to praise you in their journeyings, to find you in their lives. / Grant that not an instant of their existence go by, / Not a hair of their heads fall, by me, as by you, unheeded.  (Prayers of Life, Michael Quoist)